It is becoming increasingly apparent that this charity film night that we have been thinking of organising for our Marathon des Sables gig is now ESSENTIAL.
And why, oh why, would that be?
Because, speak it softly, I think that although there are now only two members of Team Titanic, it is altogether possible that half the team (at least) may not be able to finish this desert romp that we have so set our hearts upon.
And, as I’ve already mentioned, at least if we have a charity film, then we won’t have to hand back all the sponsorship money - which would be mildly irksome if, for some unfathomable reason the Doogie contrived not to finish the race merely on account of BEING TOTALLY UNPREPARED AND NOT UP TO THE JOB!
Ahemmm… Where were we? We were talking about films that might be suitable for our charity film night at the Dominion in March.
I called up the Doogie; I thought it might be politic to keep him in the loop about this film night, though I make these phone-calls in much the same manner that you would do if you had been requested to phone up your grandmother’s cat. It might be polite. It might make some people happy. But the conversation is going to be pretty much a waste of time from start to finish.
“Hi Doogie,” I said. “Just finalising the details for this charity film night that we’re organising.”
“Oh very good,” he said. “Well done.”
“Have you decided yet what charity you want to run for?”
“No.”
“Fine. Got any thoughts about the film we should be watching?”
“Well I was hearing about this film last week. Have you heard of Lawrence of Arabia?”
“Yes, rather surprisingly I HAVE heard of Lawrence of Arabia.”
“Well apparently it’s not a bad film.”
“Very good, Doogie. It may surprise you to know that not only have I heard of Lawrence of Arabia, but I have actually seen it. It goes on for one hell of a long time and, more to the point, there is not a single woman in it with a speaking part.”
“But it’s supposed to be set in a desert!”
“That’s good, Doogie, it IS set in a desert, but nevertheless, this is definitely a guy flick and seeing as it’s the women who are going to be in charge of the social diaries and it’s the women who are going to be coughing up for this event, then it’s probably best if we go for a film that the women are going to like.”
“Like what? Sahara? I like Sahara! Or The Mummy! I like the Mummy too! And I like the Mummy 2, too! That’s very funny, isn’t it?”
“I’ll bet you like the Mummy 3, too.”
“There is no Mummy 3.”
“Shut up and listen,” I said. “The film that we are going to be watching is Shakespeare in Love.”
“Coo.” The Doogie is momentarily silenced. “Shakespeare in Love? What’s that about?”
“It’s about a guy called Shakespeare. Wrote some plays.”
I can envision Doogie still trying to grasp the concept of this film. “Is it set in a desert?”
“No it’s not,” I said. And then inspiration strikes. “But in the very last scene of the film, there is a beach which looks like a desert. Will that do you?”
“If it’s got a bit of desert in it, then that’ll be fine.”
Bill
You can visit Bill's blog at http://www.wcoles.com/
Bill is the author of The Well-Tempered Clavier, Lord Lucan: My Story, Mr Two Bomb, Dave Cameron's Schooldays and Simon Cowell: The Sex-Factor





